FOX Picks Up Season 2 of Trump White House Reality Show from Failing NY Times

NEW YORK, NY — In a landmark move, FOX has picked up season 2 of the Trump White House Reality Show after numerous complaints from family members and White House aides surfaced that tv production didn’t mirror on-set actions.

“They’ve twisted everything around to fit their fake news agenda,” says Sarah Huckabee Sanders, spokesperson for the Trump Family.

Reports that segment producer Maggie Haberman has it in for Trump have been running rampant within the White House, but Trump can’t seem to let Haberman go.

“The President has huge respect for Maggie,” says Sanders. “They’ve developed a rapport in the Oval Office despite her negative comments.”

Scenes from the season included the firing of James Comey and other members of the administration–as well as fan-favorite Sean Spicer, short-lived Anthony Scaramucci, and the most polarizing figure of the show, Steve Bannon. Bannon promised a thrilling spin-off on his exit, but news of a production timeline hasn’t surfaced.

Bannon’s publicist declined to comment on when we might see the spin-off, but did manage to let slip that certain members of the Trump family would be “going down.”

FOX & Friends princess Ainsley Earhardt will serve as executive producer for season 2.


All the King’s Men Who Couldn’t Put Trumpty Together Again

[sg_popup id=”1″ event=”onload”][/sg_popup]In the eight months since the President took public office, the Trump administration has caused the average news day in American politics to feel like a month’s worth of news under the Obama administration. Maybe even two months. As a millennial, I cannot recall a time when the lives of the citizenry felt more like they belonged in the Twilight Zone, or that we were all already, collectively, living in a Twilight Zone.

It was only a mere 24 hours after being sworn in that Donald Trump made his first egregious blunder as the leader of the free world: He lied publically about the size of his inauguration audience. He lied in the same manner of a four-year-old trying to win back his candy from an exhausted mother juggling three other children. Completely convinced he was right, dubious to the clearly presented facts, and ignorant or perhaps just uncaring to the chaos surrounding him, which he no doubt caused.

His lies, inaccuracies, missteps, Tweets, tantrums, et al., have plagued the once prominent office and turned the Presidency into both a national and global disgrace. Foreign leaders and papers openly mock Donald Trump, US media outlets don’t even hide their partisanship anymore (ours included), social media sites encourage users to flag for fake news when they see it. Real news feels like satire, and satire is often mistaken for real news.

This says nothing of the many faces to enter and exit the White House. In perhaps the clearest indicator of the failing Trump administration, the list of aides who have either resigned or been fired is monumental at best.

Donald Trump administration

Carl Icahn, the billionaire investor, and special advisor resigned on August 18 after he was criticized for making policy recommendations that would ultimately benefit his own investments.

Steve Bannon either quit or was fired  (we can’t be sure which because neither the President nor Mr. Bannon can agree to a term), and the Breitbart founder turned chief strategist has vowed war against the many enemies he made in the White House.

Anthony Scaramucci was fired after only 10 days as WH Director of Communications by President Trump on the recommendation of John Kelly, who replaced Reince Priebus (see below) as Chief of Staff. (Long live The Mooch.)

Reince Priebus privately resigned on July 27 for reasons still unclear. This came on the heels of then-WH comm director Scaramucci accusing Priebus of leaking confidential material to reporters.

Sean Spicer gifted the media daily gaffes, but ultimately resigned after the hiring of Anthony Scaramucci. Spicer was never someone we anticipated staying for long and Sarah Huckabee Sanders has proved more than adept at navigating the press.

Michael Flynn, former National Security Advisor, was the first indicator of the impending presidential doom. His ties with Russia were revealed after he misled a Pentagon investigation over income and foreign business affairs.

There are more, plenty more–including James Comey. But following a catastrophic response to Charlottesville, it appears the next person to resign from the Trump administration might be Donald Trump himself.

What we are about to witness is the complete and total collapse of the President of the United States.

Xoxo Files: Meet Hope Hicks, the New White House ‘It’ Girl

Hey there Americans,

Gossip girl, here. It’s summertime in the swamp and life is certainly heating up for our 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue residents. As you may have heard, Hope Hicks was just hired as the new White House communications director.

Let’s give credit where it’s due and marvel at the fact that a 28-year-old woman now has the top PR job in the country. Applaud. Applaud. This is goals, America; albeit not under this specific administration, but we can still admire her sly drive to success.

Rumor has it the newest train monkey for the Nazi sympathizer did not obtain her position by past political experience, or even merit for that matter. The hiring of Hope Hicks as the new White House Communications Director leaves many people wondering, myself included, “But, why? How?”

Started From The Top

Like all of our favorite bad girls, Hope Hicks grew up in Greenwich, Connecticut and graduated with an English degree from Southern Methodist University. In her teen years, she modeled for Ralph Lauren and appeared on the cover of Cecily von Ziegesar’s Gossip Girl spin off novels, The It Girl. 

The IT girl, indeed. Hope Hicks appeared on Forbes’s 30 Under 30 when she took the role of Press Secretary in Donald Trump’s presidential campaign.

And just like any It Girl from the world of Gossip Girl, Hicks obtained her position next to Donald Trump through her devilishly good looks and moneyed connections. During the beginning of her career in public relations, Ivanka Trump’s fashion company was amongst her clientele. From there, Hicks caught the eye of the future president. She then worked PR for Trump’s real estate company starting in October and has remained a rock by his side ever since. Working as Trump’s press secretary during his campaign was her first exposure to the political world, something both Hicks and Trump have in common.

Hope Hicks keeps a low-profile, but is known to be one of the longest allies by Trump’s side since his political reign began. She is one of the only true insiders of the Trump family. But we’ve seen what Donald can do to his allies. Hicks will be the fourth WH Communications Director since Trump took office in January. Fourth times the charm, is that how it goes?

It is no surprised that someone with little political experience was chosen to a high-ranking role in the White House. But is it correct to claim the Don is “draining the swamp” or is he merely “swapping swamps?”

Though we can admire this real life Blair Waldorf for her blind ambition, the outcome of Hope Hicks’s political career hangs in the air.

You know you love me,


Republican Leaders Have Finally Figured Out That Donald Trump is Unfit for the Presidency

[sg_popup id=”1″ event=”onload”][/sg_popup]The first few days of Donald Trump’s 17-day vacation seemed like a much needed, much-deserved break for the American psyche. News outlets were quiet(ish), Facebook feeds didn’t seem like they were exploding with anger, and generally, most people seemed to feel a tad less anxious than they had otherwise felt for the last six months.

Of course, as with all things Trumpian, this proved to be only the calm before a majorf*ckingsh*tstorm. In the span of a week, Donald Trump threatened a nuclear-powered state via Twitter, escalated tensions to the almost brink of war, failed to denounce White Supremacy after the horrific and tragic events in Charlottesville, Va, and, oh yeah: Basically said that Nazi’s aren’t all bad. 

Or to quote our Idiot-in-Chief directly, in his usual *eloquent* colloquialisms: “You had some very bad people in that group. But you also had people that were very fine people on both sides. You had people in that group – excuse me, excuse me. I saw the same pictures as you did. You had people in that group that were there to protest the taking down, of to them, a very, very important statue and the renaming of a park from Robert E. Lee to another name.”

But you also had people that were very fine people on both sides. Well, Mr. President, I’m not sure you did see the same pictures we/I/America/the rest of the whole damn world saw, because let’s get real here: No.

And it seems that finally, finally, Republican lawmakers are saying “no,” too. According to Carl Bernstein–the famed investigative reporter who helped oust Nixon after the Watergate scandal–Republican leaders in both Congress AND the White House are on the cusp of disavowing themselves from his Presidency, due to the fact that (*ding ding*) he is probably most likely unfit to serve.

Uhh, no sh*t Sherlock. We’ll see soon if Paul Ryan does indeed have a backbone or if he lost it somewhere in the streets of Tijuana. Highly doubt it, but at least we know now that National Socialism is just a step too far for the Grand Ole’ Party. Auf wiedersehen, Cheeto.

Giant Inflatable Trump Chicken is the Latest White House Lawn Decoration

[sg_popup id=”1″ event=”onload”][/sg_popup]A large inflatable chicken bearing an uncanny resemblance to the President of the United States was placed on the lawn near the White House by protesters earlier Wednesday. The Trump chicken, which features a golden coif of windswept hair and smaller than usual wings, is a copy of the giant statue erected at a Chinese mall last December.

No word yet on how Melania Trump feels about the latest White House lawn gnome, but you can catch it at the Ellipse area by the White House that is open to the public. The Trump administration has provided no comment; the President is, after all,  on his 17-day vacation in New Jersey.

10 Things That Lasted Longer Than The Mooch

The definitive list. As the Mooch would say, ciao baby.

10. A man in Taylor Swift’s arms

Longer than 10 days, though not by much. Always remember #taylorsquared

9. Trump University

8. Mike Flynn


7. This can of Spam

6. Joffrey Baratheon on the Iron Throne

5. The Amazon Fire smartphone

Sorry, Jeff Bezos. You win some, you lose some.

4. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries marriage

Oh yeah, that guy.

3. That red tie held together by scotch tape

2. Greyscale on Jorah Mormont


1. A Trump handshake

We went there.