Why It’s Not Okay to Say I Only Date Colored Girls

A few years ago, when I was young, naïve, and new to the dating scene, I met a man at a friend’s birthday party. He was attentive, refilling my drinks in flash, smiling, flirting. As many people have done before, he asked me what my ethnicity is. I don’t always have issues with this question (that is, unless it’s worded as “What are you?” but that’s another monster entirely), simply because I know it’s hard to tell.

I’m a mutt, a combined heritage of Thai, Chinese, English, Italian, French, German, and Scots-Irish. That being said, I’ve heard it all; people asking if I’m Korean, Japanese, Indonesian, South American, Native Alaskan, Spanish, Mongolian, Hawaiian. I’ve once heard Mexican, which I found odd. So, when someone asks flat out what my heritage is, I answer usually with, “I’m half Thai, half white.” When I answered this man’s question, I was not prepared for his answer and the way it made me feel.

“I’m half Thai, half white,” I said.

“God, yes, I love Asian girls. I only date girls of color.”

The way he looked at me made me uncomfortable. Suddenly, instead of seeing this good-looking, blonde American boy, I saw an old balding man at a brothel in China on a business trip, calling home to me, his wife, saying everything is fine while he was surrounded by naked Asian women.

I thought, that’s a bit dramatic.

But then, over the years, it continued to happen to me. A boy I was in a relationship with for a year confessed that he “only dates women of color.” And a year later when I saw that his new girlfriend looked frighteningly similar to me did I realize it was weird. I must be clear; this does not exclusively come from white males.

A man who told me he was half Indian, half Dominican said to me, “I love exotic colored women with curves, so you’re perfect.” And in a gay bar, a woman told me she only spoke to girls with color. The more I heard it, the more I realized how wrong it made me feel.

Let’s also discuss the implications of the word “colored.” In instances concerning myself, I assumed it meant “I only date girls that are not white.” In this, I felt alienated, am I not as much white as I am Asian? But in the eyes of these certain people, it seemed they only saw half of me.

On top of that, it made me feel not unique to this person showing an interest in me as though the next non-white girl walking through the door would divert their attention immediately (this has actually happened to me). It seems shallow, but so is their comment that my appearance is the top thing that made them turn their attention my way.

However, this issue goes beyond my own uncomfortable feelings. Historically, the term “colored” is regarded highly offensive, a racial slur recalled from a time when casual racism was a part of everyday life. The term was and still is used predominantly towards describing a black person.

Today in a wider focus, it’s used to describe anyone who is not white, which implies that white is the default, the normal skin tone. Recently, Benedict Cumberbatch used the term to refer to black actors. Not realizing the offense at the time, Cumberbatch had to come out and apologize for using the term.

During the era of the Jim Crow laws in America from the 1870s to 1960s, signs labeled “colored only” directed where a non-white person could or could not go. It drove segregation back then, and it continues to do the same today in 2017, even if people are unaware of its effect.

Essentially, saying a person is colored implies they are not normal. Likewise, saying someone is “mixed race” implies there exists pure race. And let’s be real, a pure race is as rare as finding gold in the mouth of a deep sea fish. Every skin color is a color; people believing that they are clarifying their physical preference of a partner are in reality sounding racially ignorant and slightly creepy.

Saying “I only date colored people” should really mean that you don’t date ghosts, and good for you. Though I think that’s implied in everyday life, unless you’re Lizzie from Gray’s Anatomy and you date your dead imaginary fiancé, in which case thank you for clearing that up.

Plus, saying “I only date colored girls” sounds like a fetish. When someone says they’re attracted to your smile or the shape of your eyes, it sounds more personalized. But then when someone says for example, they like feet, immediately you wonder what creepy, serial killer-esque plans they have for your toes.

Break down the wall of generalizations. Every human is different and beautiful in their own unique way. Using the general “colored girls only” line sounds like the person is a collector. Look at my repertoire, look at my mantle of “colored girls,” see, I only date these specific items. A closet full of marionette puppets. It’s gross, it’s offensive, and red flags should be sprouting from the ground.

Everybody has a “type;” a preference for a certain appearance that attracts them. This is not unknown. However, these “types” go beyond appearance and tap into personality, morals, religious ideas—the combination. There’s a better way to tell a woman or a man that they’re the perfect fit for you. It is not by further segregating them or making them feel like their appearance is their only drawing attribute.

Not only does the general comment “I only date colored girls” strike an offensive tone, but also implies disloyalty in a further relationship. If a person approaches you and says you’re just their type in those exact words, what’s to stop them from seeing the next girl or boy that is “just their type” even when they’re with you? Here’s the solution, when dating someone, avoid the whole “I like colored girls” comment all together. There is nothing good about it, and personally, I don’t want to know that I am amongst the many girls who look just like me in your long line of dating history.

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This Weed Lube Will Take Your Sex Life to Another Level

[sg_popup id=”1″ event=”onload”][/sg_popup]Cannabis is known for having many medicinal uses, from anti-anxiety to sleep aid to muscle relaxer, but did you know that it can also be turned into the ultimate lubricant to elevate your sex life? That’s right, cannabis fans, weed lube is here.

weed lube

Once again this plant has proven itself to be totally awesome.

FORIA is a Colorado-based brand that creates a myriad of products for his and her pleasure, starting with honest ingredients we know and love, like 100% organic hemp, coconut oil, kava kava, and cacao, including the aforementioned weed lube called FORIA “Awaken”.

Here’s how it works:

Cannabis plants produce two main chemicals for medicinal use: THC and Cannabidiol. The biggest difference between the two is that Cannabidiol delivers all of the benefits with little to no psychoactive experiences like anxiety or paranoia that can sometimes accompany THC.

FORIA “Awaken” combines the powers of Cannabidiol with coconut oil, a well known all natural lubricant, and an array of essential herbs and oils including ginger, cinnamon, cardamom, peppermint, vanilla, cacao, and kava kava.

I know what you’re thinking, wow, that sounds like it smells amazing, but are the results for real?

They sure are! The all-natural formula not only helps you relax, but it helps get you going as well. Testimonials on FORIA’s website rave about the ways their product triggers whole body pleasures and more intense orgasms, both for couples and for individual use.

How could that possibly be?? Well, many of the main ingredients are ancient aphrodisiacs, meaning that these herbs have been doing their thang for thousands of years. FORIA simply got in on the widely known secret, spruced it up, and put it in a bottle that can be shipped right to you.

Cool, right? And I know we’re all thinking it, is there anything cannabis can’t do? Not really. FORIA also has a product to relieve menstrual pain (FORIA Relief) and a rectal suppository (FORIA Explore) to enhance relaxation and ease.

So if you’re ready for a totally new level of sensuality and pleasure in your life and you’re willing to shell out the extra bucks to improve your sex, check out FORIA online and experience what everyone’s been talking about.

Here’s How Two Women Actually Have Sex

Do lesbians confuse you? Do you find yourself lying awake in bed at night, wondering how a woman could make love to another woman? Does the mere notion of a romantic relationship without the presence of a man stress you out and make you upset? Or, maybe you’re a woman who is about to have her first dalliance with another woman.

Either way, you’ve clicked on this with a mission. And so, without further ado, here’s how two women actually have sex.

The short answer

Two women can do it any way they damn please.

The longer answer

two women lesbian sex

Women aren’t limited to vaginal intercourse with a penis. People express themselves sexually in a vast number of ways, no matter how they self-identify in terms of gender and/or sexual orientation. All forms are valid. Therefore, there are a lot of different ways that two women can get it on.

For a lot of women, oral is a cornerstone of a sexual encounter. For other women, oral is nice, but not necessary to have a good time. Some women like penetration, either from her partner’s fingers, from a toy, or a combination of the two. Other women might not like penetration at all. And some prefer to masturbate with their partner (in other words: mutual masturbation).

So, about those strap-ons…

lesbain sex two women strap ons

While some women may prefer to only engage with each other’s bodies, many women, however, like to incorporate toys. A lot of heterosexual couples do as well, for that matter.

If you’ve ever watched girl-on-girl porn, you’ve undoubtedly seen a video featuring two women using a strap-on dildo. While porn is unrealistic–especially in the way that they portray lesbian women–strap-ons are often a popular choice among queer women.

And no, most of the time it has nothing to do with one partner taking on a traditionally masculine gender role. Believe it or not, lesbian sex has absolutely nothing to do with men.

Orgasms

Take this into consideration. A recent survey published in Slate claimed the following results: 86% of lesbians always or usually have an orgasm during love making, while only 65% of straight women could say the same.

While this finding is fascinating to dissect and analyze, we need to make something clear: An orgasm is not necessarily the benchmark.

Some women find it hard to achieve orgasm with a partner, and some women struggle to orgasm period. This doesn’t mean it can’t be enjoyable. After all, sex without an orgasm is still sex.

Emotions

black lesbian two women sex

Ultimately, making love is about connecting with another person. This connection can be purely physical, but it can also be an intensely emotional or spiritual experience as well. Sometimes, people can’t have sex without forming an emotional connection first, and others might completely separate it from emotional intimacy. Both are completely fine, as long as everyone involved is totally on board.

Communication!

Having a good time isn’t about having the most “sexperience,” or using the most high-tech toys, or even being the most skilled. Ultimately, it is dependent on communication. Listen to your partner! Pay attention to their non-verbal cues. Talk about each others’ needs and desires both in and out of the bedroom.

The Bottom Line

Sex between two women isn’t a mysterious thing that only a select few can understand. Lesbian sex is just that: sex. Between two people. And it shouldn’t be that hard to figure out.

Now, please, on behalf of all your Sapphic friends: stop asking us about it.