Rocket Man Files: Excerpts from the Diary of Kim Jong-un

Dear Diary,

Today the fussbudget has come up with a new name for me: “sick puppy”. What a totally lame insult. Donnie has been trying since day one to be my friend, but it’s never going to work. I’ve already declared him a social pariah – and also like a criminal and stuff, but whatever. He knows it too, which is why he’s trying so hard to ruin my reputation. Too bad for him, because I’m the most popular guy in North Korea.

Literally SO excited for my next military parade – even one parade has more people than at Angry Orange’s inauguration. I’ll bet he wants to start having tanks in DC too – such a wannabe.

It’s going to take a lot more than Twitter and lame insults at rallies to make Kim Jong-un lose the status of Queen Bee – I mean, supreme leader.

Until America detonates,
Lil Kim

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Top 10 Tweets About Trump’s Water Bottle Fiasco

 

On Wednesday, Donald Trump was in the middle of a press conference at the White House when he got a bit thirsty and grabbed for some water. But of course, because we’re dealing with a man-child, it became more of a spectacle – similar to what he dubbed a “catastrophe” when Marco Rubio reached for a drink during a speech last year. As it’s 2017, Twitter was its reliable self when it came to Trump’s water bottle skills.

https://twitter.com/DALMATiAN/status/931564315286622208

https://twitter.com/tweetpocrisy/status/931443701368393728

And last but not least, Marco Rubio had some tips for his former opponent: