Satire

White House to Honor Hugh Hefner in Rose Garden Tribute

"Nobody treated women better than Hef."

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has announced plans to trim the vegetation of the White House Rose Garden in the shapes of the infamous Playboy bunny icon in memory of the late Hugh Hefner. The Playboy legend and celebrated pussy grabber passed away on September 27th at 91 years young due to a final heartbreak. Addressing the media, the president voiced his desire to pay tribute to his old colleague.

“Hugh was a winner. Greatly respected by women, nobody treated women better than Hef. Maybe me,” President Trump stated in his remarks to the press during yesterday’s announcement, “We had many adventures together, many great adventures.”

Vice President Mike Pence attended the press conference but seemed reluctant to provide any statements regarding the hedge-trimming. The internet went ablaze when images surfaced of Pence noticeably clutching rosary beads during the president’s Q&A.

The president received praise by some outlets for the curious gesture. At one point during his speech, President Trump discussed the benefit of celebrating American tradition and how it aligns with the nation’s history:

“Marilyn Monroe, in a way, helped launched Hugh’s career–I’ve heard many people don’t know that–and she was great friends with Kennedy during his presidency. That I can tell you.”

Some outlets attending the press conference questioned the president on his choice of setting and concerns during times of crisis. However, he dismissed their claims of poor judgment and later Tweeted, “Fake News always raining on my parade. Or memorial in this case.”

Americans are currently waiting on word from the White House on whether or not First Lady Melania Trump will be attending the Hugh Hefner – Rose Garden commemoration ceremony this Sunday. She is expected to be fashionably late.

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