Satire

Trump Enacts Character Counts Week, Mistakes It For National Twitter Holiday

"We can’t trust any news outlet, and now we can’t trust Twitter? Sad!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Donald J. Trump used his presidential power to proclaim October 15 through October 21 as National Character Counts Week, an admirable movement towards the improvement of the nation’s youth. This week brings awareness to the building of characters within the good-hearted American families. Nationalizing American children must begin as soon as possible.

But come 2 am October 18, Trump woke his cabinet with a fright. Evidently, Twitter has blatantly ignored his proclamation and has yet to waive the character count number on tweets.

Recently, Twitter (NYSE: TWTR) began running trials for a select group of people allowing them access to 280 characters as opposed to the limited 140. Trump, upon hearing the news, assumed he–as one of their highest-ranking patrons–would be amongst the group. However, he is not. It is rumored this event inspired him to proclaim the National Character Counts Week.

“The president is fed up with the continuous ‘dot dot dots’ interrupting his tweets,” said White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders at the press conference earlier this morning. “The majority of President Trump’s supporters receive vital news and updates that come from the president himself. They trust and rely on his tweets only.”

Donald Trump, known for his “straight talk,” is dumbfounded his words were mixed up. Another case of the fake news blues. But now, Trump’s attacks on Twitter, his sole social media platform, could spell disaster for the White House. Trump spoke out: “How else will news get to the people? We can’t trust any news outlet, and now we can’t trust Twitter? Sad!”

Tensions have risen in the White House and Trump continues to demand Twitter recognize his new national holiday, the most important holiday in American History.

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