Satire

Exclusive Preview into Trump’s New American History Book

Washington, D.C. – An anonymous source has confirmed he will ghostwrite Donald J. Trump’s new book called, The Many Sides and Fine People in American History. After much confusion these past few weeks, Trump felt it necessary to further explain his words, words he believes the media did not report correctly. Back in August, the President said, “You don’t make statements that direct unless you know the facts. It takes a little while to get the facts.” The full transcript is available here and the edited version will be included in the new book, to avoid further confusion.

Still frustrated that he is the only one in the world to know the facts, Trump has taken it upon himself to dictate this book. The Many Sides and Fine People in American History will be the only history book taught to the American children starting at age 6.  It is the president’s hope that this book will destroy fake news once and for all.

His ghost writer has given us an exclusive preview of the text.

Fact #1

I, Donald J. Trump, rank 2nd as the most-presidential president in all of American history. After, Abraham Lincoln of course. I don’t even remember the names of the other 10 guys. That’s how un-presidential they were.

Fact #2

The best quotation from all the great leaders of the world did not come from Winston Churchill or Nelson Mandela as fake news would claim. In fact, the most influential and motivating quote came from Adolf Hitler: “If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.”

Fact #3

The Cold War began in 1947 and started America and Russia’s beautiful but complicated friendship. Look, Russia gave the US Alaska even before the Cold War, and now America has oil. Very beneficial friendship with Russia. Bigly.

Fact #4

The American “slaves” were paid $1.50 to fight for the Confederacy and given the choice to join the North or the South. Back then, $1.50 was a lot of money. Just like 1/5th is a big number to compromise with.

Fact #5

During the Charlottesville free speech rally on August 12, 2017, the alt-left charged the alt-right with clubs swinging about violently. The alt-right victims were unable to protect themselves because they holding the Swastika flags and tiki-torches in their hands.

Hardback available Summer 2018.

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