Satire

Trump Taps Son Barron to Fill Advisor Role After White House Exodus

Bedminster Township, NJ — Donald J. Trump, the 45th President of the United States, has reportedly made a controversial staffing decision in appointing his youngest son, Barron Trump, as White House  Cyber Security Advisor.

Speaking from Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster during another “working vacation,” Mr. Trump, when pressed about Barron’s qualifications, reminded the press corps of his statements during the first presidential debate back in 2016 about Barron’s lifetime of experience with technology: “I have a son. He’s 10 years old. He has computers. He is so good with these computers, it’s unbelievable. The security aspect of cyber is very very tough.”

Barron, now 11 years old, is Mr. Trump’s fifth child, though some media outlets have erroneously  reported him as the fourth child, as a result of omitting the oft-forgotten Tiffany Trump. He is the only child of Mr. Trump’s third wife and First Lady, Melania Trump nee Melanija Knavs. After finishing up the fifth grade at the prestigious Columbia Grammar and Preparatory School in Manhattan, Barron has finally moved to the White House this past June.

It is possible that the move from New York, Barron’s longtime home, to D.C., is an indication of Barron’s upcoming role in this administration.

Since Mr. Trump’s inauguration on January 20, 2017, it is no secret that this administration has struggled to retain senior level advisors. Most recently, Steve Bannon, often called the “architect” of Mr. Trump’s policy, resigned or was fired on August 18. Prior to that, the administration lost Chief of Staff Reince Priebus, Press Secretary Sean Spicer and National Security advisor Michael Flynn. There was also Anthony “The Mooch” Scaramucci‘s short-lived role as White House Communications Director.

In contrast to those fair-weather advisors, Mr. Trump’s immediate family has remained steadfast amidst this mass exodus and chaos of the past months. Daughter Ivanka Trump continues to shadow her father at high-profile events such as the G-20 and son-in-law Jared Kushner is likely to expand his reach as Senior Advisor. First Lady Melania has also appeared at key moments, often with healing words that hearken back to former First Lady Michelle Obama.

While the White House has not yet confirmed Barron’s role, it is clear that Mr. Trump has tremendous confidence in his youngest son’s ability and most importantly, his loyalty.

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