It’s no secret that the Trump Administration is seriously understaffed. So for the good of the country, we respectfully propose some of the swampiest candidates for his cabinet that the Seven Kingdoms has to offer. And fear not, they’re only taking jobs that no American actually wants to do. #MAGA
8. Lady Lysa Arryn — Deputy Secretary of Education
Mother knows breast, we mean, uh, best. Lady Arryn has significant experience in government and education. Not only has she ruled the Vale of Arryn on behalf of her young son, Robin, but is also a long-time proponent of home-schooling with incredible results. Lady Arryn’s combination of experience as head of state, and her intuition as a single mother makes her a top choice for this cabinet role.
Potential mentor: Betsy DeVos
7. Melisandre — Assistant Secretary of Nuclear Energy
Melisandre is not a traditional candidate but she has significant work experience as a High Priestess for the Lord of Light that would bring a much-needed fresh perspective to this role. Former colleague Stannis Baratheon has noted that Melisandre can be “intense,” but we believe that a little bit of passion can go a long way. While Melisandre has not worked directly in the field of nuclear power, her work with the Lord of Light will likely make it a smooth transition from fire to atomic energy.
Potential mentor: Mike Flynn
6. The High Sparrow — Director of Community Relations
First and foremost, the High Sparrow is a grassroots community organizer. His leadership role in the “Sparrows” movement against the ruling class shows that he is a champion of the Joe Plumbers of the world. In addition to sticking to his principles, the High Sparrow is an effective speaker and administrator, having successfully overseen an organization of thousands on a shoestring budget.
Potential mentor: George H. Bush
5. Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish — White House Press Secretary
We all know that Sean Spicer’s days are numbered, so let’s get the best guy teed up and ready. Littlefinger–whose reputation precedes him–will keep that unruly Fake News Media in check with all of the dirt he already has on everyone. He is an effective diplomat and a smooth operator who can talk circles around any reporter, especially the liberal ones.
Potential mentor: Doesn’t need one.
4. Ramsey Bolton — Assistant Secretary of Military Affairs
It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that Ramsey has a special touch when it comes to military affairs. While his methods are sometimes unconventional, nobody would argue that they are not effective. He has the natural attributes of a leader but isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty, either. Ramsey is a shoo-in for this role and we wish him best of luck in securing a position with this cabinet.
Potential mentor: Paul Ryan
3. Cersei Lannister — Chief Financial Officer
Well, Cersei might not have any relevant experience for this role, but she is Tywin Lannister’s daughter. If nothing else, she can hold Daddy’s chair while he is in the other room.
Potential mentor: Ivanka Trump
2. Tywin Lannister — Secretary of State
For all of Rex Tillerson’s experience and connections, he is an oil man at heart and has little patience for state affairs. Mr. Tillerson will likely tap childhood friend Tywin Lannister to fill this important cabinet role after the midterm elections.
Potential mentor: Rex Tillerson
1. The Night King (White Walker) — Ambassador to Canada
Who better than someone from the Far North? And with his boyish good looks, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau can get along with just about anybody, even this guy.
Potential mentor: Undecided